Serving Sorrow


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Visualize it’s midnight , a soft spring breeze is dancing in the dark ,the savory smell of lost enthusiasm & failed youthful dreams spins around. You’re still going out every night. You say „ I need that to feel alive“.But why do you feel so goddamn weak and dead on your late night walk back home?, always all alone?Unfortunately you’re crossing someones way, you don’t like people seeing you in this mood.But thank god he seems to be totally busy and lost in his thoughts. Probably one of those guys you have been yourself a few years ago.a few years ago before you set your self down, before your mind decided to hang up.before you lost a part of yourself after one of those crazy party nights you had too many of.On the other side of the street the dude is making his way through the night. He doesn’t notice this old one of the hundreds he always passes on his way.Cause you know this will not happen to you.Your thoughts are clear, your goals are set. And hell you worked hard for this.Since you have started to live your life by your own you know that one day you will burst your chains and start somewhere else a new life in the conditions you choose.Ok after school you said probably another rat race would be good to make sure you’ll not see yourself homeless and broke one day.And yeah your parents won’t let you go without.Now the final exams are coming up and just because everybody around has settled themselves into this society ranking and knows what’s next you don’t have to be there as well, or do you?
Consider yourself a late night dreamer, you are different, you can make clouds disappear from the sky if you want. As long as you really let’s go to bed son. the next morning is already knocking at the door , bare his teeth to a grimy smile. A couple hours later you have to wake up.
You went to bed way to late and now the only thing that shelters you from blinding morning light are your fancy sunglasses. Thank god your doing so well. And hey you, you know what you’re doing this for. Just a couple more months this damn routine and you can get rid of everything.A brief look at your agenda lets you know that your deadline has already passed. You should be somewhere else, my friend! That is the hint that this aching daylight is giving to you! From a balcony around the corner this strange woman is watching you passing by. “Why the fuck is she sitting there? Still awake or what?” you think weakly nodding to her . And then you turn into the main road.
„Fuck sake I am not that kind of person who’s running a ordinary life like all these undead people there“ she is thinking.„I have moved from heaven to hell for not being a part of this society, I did all wrong they wanted me to do right just to escape from this“Realize its almost morning. Again the first sun ray strikes the flash of distress in every heart.Another day, the same shit from a million ends.
After you went back on your couch you lay down to end this awesome essay you started to read last night. “damn those guys know what they are talking about“ no way in between , no compromise, cause otherwise you, me, everybody will never see a better world.You fell dozy, and with your last thoughts, you think, on this day you have done something to make this place a little better, by preparing your mind for a better way of life. And while seeing you rest in dreams, somewhere else the other gallows still leaching for blood while we are confident with what we have done so far.
In the same street you’re living there are more people fulfilling your task. But they have different manners than you. Anybody who ever did this knows how hard it is to rest on the street while it is just cold and loud outside, while the black mouth of drugs and booze aches in your body and brain. But too late to apologize! Your teachers, your boss, your father and your mother you see the faces from everybody who had put you into this every day and every night. And you know that all you wish for is to lay down and rest for a couple of hours, to be in peace with your own, to be done, to be out of here and sometimes you would rather be dead then suffering another day on this damn cold planet. At least you’re happy about a little tip some random pedestrian tosses you, this saves you a few more drinks, a few more minutes of forgetting who you are.The man who had flipped his change on the ground, he passed by without making a big deal out of his donation. He’s wearing a long coat and looks like a stereo type office clerk. He went down the road pretty fast to catch the train downtown.where all the other office clerks running circles right now.He is thinking how weird it would be when someday everybody stays at home enjoying themselves without any reason just taking a timeout from this world. The world would stand still for only one day. Quite and peace, how awesome would that be?
A cold wind rushes him away from his dream and he remembers the winter time and the homeless guy.Imagine it’s winter and it’s damn cold outside. You’re fucked up and have to rest on a public bench somewhere!But this can’t happen to you, nine to five keeps you secured, keeps you warm. Some snowflakes, which tip on your nose, let you know that there is another ice cold world running 24 / 7 in yourself. So what would you rather be?
A few weeks later, the same clerk runs out of your office and you feel, it must be late in the afternoon. your body is tired from workloads and lessons like in your sunset years .the sundowning reminds you of what this day has brought to you again & again & again. what a weak!
This is just another day from one of the million ends. The whole world creates a huge wire of individual story lines melted to a network we call our lives. All these tiny stories running the same plot – hundred tragedies per second. But we only see our selfs. We are not willing to see more.And if we could see that everybody around us, chasing for the same dreams, wants to be released from his suffering in the same way we do, the same way I do, would it make any difference?This street , this city , this World. The whole lifetime is just a big fat Joke no one will remember.
Visualize it is Summer in the cities, all we have suffered for ages must become true now. Suffocating heat shows you that you have to wait another year, probably forever …
This is what we deserved, this world is just a reflection of what we want it to be, of what we want to be ourselves.We are the late runners, the last chapter in the story & this part is ours


released July 30, 2010



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AT DAGGERS DRAWN Berlin, Germany

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Track Name: Darkest Days
Always run around, never see the crowd. Always comprehend how can I pretend? We share nothing but urban soil treaded with our feet, this is no society, this is a fake empire! Every time i walk around i see all these empty faces. We ‘ll never reach the goal of a perfect society, ’cause each step towards this is taking away someones equality, when every success is linked with the pain of thousands. I’ve seen the newspaper today, ohh man we are fucked! This is the begining of a world in decline. Every second, and every day we lose control & I am sure I cant stand this anymore. So I escape from darkest days.
Track Name: Embed
Time runs fast now in my room, From the streetlights I left at noon, while mocking the glow of my dying cigarette, and the clutt- ered impressions running through my head.I t’s just all cluttered shit rushing through my head, Until all of these feelings destroy my bones, Untill all of these meanings collapse my throat. Is this what we wanted, the way things have gone? we are running and crashing. We are confined when we fall. I don’t want to be the witness of this worlds decline, But I’ve been addicted so long that I’m content with fine, But I know how it feels, and how easy it is to just run away, Because our whole lifes we’ve been living astray Common sense is more than just a past time and we have to realize this before it’s too late. If we won’t I promise we won’t last too long. And if we don’t we’ll have no future and home. is this what we wanted? the way things have gone! we are running and crashing. We are confined when we fall.
Track Name: Dyspnoea
Windows! Just an escape, windows from timid space! Windows! A tiny hole in, windows in a damn dark room. Windows Let escape, windows whats left in the brezze! shut the windows when i go. Get over yourself, get over yourself, all your trying, all your crying it isn‘t worth it. Fences let nothing escape nevermind the empty space..Windows keept quite, shut down! I have to go, I feel Alone! I have to Go! no way out! I have to go. All that‘s left flew away, see it on a blank paper sheet, stick the paper to the crack open Window. Where it lasts forever! A million minds with unexpressed thoughts! You not get out. I have to go. I am not in balance with me. I have to go. any little finger move lets me doubt on my own. so please Shut the windows when I go!
Track Name: Different Directions
It carves us … It binds us … the rage! No common, No feeling. there will never … never ever … there will be no similarities! Nothing that sticks us together. Never again! Maybe it obtains by fraud, maybe it disperses nothing more than a moment full of wistfullness All that is left, only a second, in the past. But we wanted to be the way in the right direction All that is left, only oblivion to weak for a sense because we have not, no we have not the embers And what is left? The flesh too chewy, too smooth, it disrups and again you can only, you can only take. this is what you can. because it’s lost, melted away in the tangle of the perplexed time. And a heart it beats it beats just at the moment what to do when the similarity dies? Only a moment trickled like blood in the mud. like an old rag rotten deep in you But we wanted, yes we wanted to be different. You will not have to suffer torments, but this time, this time you can share them all.
Track Name: Matured Hearts & Distress Calls
I lost the distance to my own, thumb through the pages I never wanted to see. my own storyline tells me the essence of a matured heart, wishes whisepred, a distress call when all I am belong to is just your open arms. please stop please don`t I am stocked In the middle of Berlin, another street in a restlees night. rain keeps Falling on midnight moon. trickles trough my head, knocking, beating, silent screaming through the night. Your face Is everywhere, And then I say ( And we say ) „I can‘t stand another change, I won‘t change another time. “I guess i feel the same. I won‘t feel anything at all. And when I say: „Honestly i never wanted this, truly i never belong to feel this again. But it stabs to deep into my heart. the wall isn’t thick enough. Once this tragedy crushed my live “I am still here restless and alone, too far gone from the roads to find the way. To long these charade lasts on my track. But it stabs. I won‘t give up on this, I know we can get on this, it could be so cool, this … and this could be … this could be ours. it will never last. darling, this will never last. Dear i know this is all known to you, to close these tales for you, Melting letters on our end. Whats left is a blank page!
Track Name: Empty Hands & Half-Full Pockets
As long as we can take we promise without an end It is true, yeah it is. we’re all the same. All we reach for is just hoping someone takes us by the hand. Someone who never ask what is behind foreigners pretend. Awkward feelings shining bright. A true word is getting reversed, So close to collapse, And so far away. It hits me like a brick on my head. after all the good times we had and all the ways we had changed. That now we’re all just tired? Why are we all so tired? Nothing to remove Nothing is undone. What a bunch of loneriders we are. Stick together like a crowd and still running alone. we’re all just tired. we run alone.
Track Name: Raised Me Up, But Put Me Down
I followed you around everywhere. You push my heart so deep that I swear I can‘t feel it anymore. But you grab me by the Hand and push me forward. I just wanted to have a tiny chance to be able to breath fresh air. It takes me so much time to believe that I am doing things right. I am renting my soul out that a tremendous amont of time can senseless pass by. For the the next 20 years I will ask for the same results. so please sir give me some more time and I swear my empty chest will cover the bill. and in this world so fucused on success I am sure my empty chest will cover the bill. “right now I feel so good. I left all my anger in this song, all my fear is gone away but I knew everything I build up here will fall in ashes when the next morning covers me in shame again and my routine repeats every day. Come on grab me by the neck and throw me away. I dedicate this song. come on and grab me by the neck and throw me away. I dedicate this song to all the dreams I catched so far.
Track Name: Why Do You Always Push Me Forward?
You thought you got it, you thought you know! to decide for what we grow. Your values are the best you thought to know. Forced me into a conflict I never wanted to go! between the person I want to be and the person you coerced to be. this feeling that i am fucking shipwrecked, this feeling that i have, this feeling that all my passion’s gone, attitude’s fades. too many thousand times you pretended its best for us, cause it seemed to you. your flesh, your blood’s gone bad. abandoned childhood dreams drifted apart? abandoned childhood dreams drifted far, miles away! You thought you got it, you thought you know. To decide for what we grow. Your values are the best you thought to know. Force me into a conflict I never wanted to go. between the person I want to be and the person you coerced to be, this feeling that i am fucking shipwrecked. this feeling that i have, this feeling all my passion’s gone, my attitude fades. this killswitch choice is wearing me out. though anger it‘s the last we bear, because you‘re also just a fathers son!!
Track Name: The Way Of Inspiration
Time Elapse! Time collapse! Like a wild storm lashes thundering through your chest, like a soft wind whispering breathless in your face, and all those years passing by like crushing waves on endless days. Rotten in the sea, this old dark grot deep in you, everything inside anything night by night. Too long you‘re clinging on you, too long. A worthless decay. A life wasted with useless trash. But sometimes there are things that just strike right into your heart, no addiction too deaf, too blind … just pure emotions. Everyday like a dead track on the alley, never walked ( but too often gone ), every hour just departed. Any search for inspiration serves a sorrow, the search for individuality pushes us forward. And you just want scream! And you just can scream! Don’t you expect too much? But please recognize, any beauty, any art needs a sorrow. Inspiration needs a suffer, needs maniac, needs injury. You can’t find passionated arts with no sign of pain & distress. Have you ever been touched by someones story about listless life? Has there ever been any book or song you seen that just arrowed right into your heart about something that is just mean? Break it out ( burst it out if you want ). Burst it out cause you want it. cause only on this way a tiny spark arises out of the dark. But what‘s written at the end? what stays? the suffer? your sorrow? Your sorrows in any detail, the pain as your eternity!